i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
