Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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