i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
