you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
