Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
