I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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