yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
