Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
