I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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