so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
