i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
