toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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