my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
