Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
worst night to have a conscience
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
