P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
