Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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