You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
