At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
