Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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