im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
