Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
