forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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