A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
