just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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