i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
