i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
