i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
