Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
