Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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