Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
