It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
