Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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