the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
