I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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