Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
