he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
