OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
