Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
