Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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