I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
