Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize