the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
