I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
