i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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