fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
