Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
