No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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