I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
