I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
