I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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