I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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