i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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