I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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