Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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