Small penises have feelings too.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
