Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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