That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
