i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
