Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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