I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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