I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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