Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
