GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
