I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
