I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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