He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?