i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.