He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
